We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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