I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
