Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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