He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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