I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
