You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
