I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
