Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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