When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
