I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
