I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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