with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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