my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
