I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
