why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
