I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I met the friendliest cop last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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