STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
