i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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