did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
