ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
