all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
