It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
