3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
