Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
