How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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