i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
