fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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