Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
