Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
