I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
