I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
