just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
