He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
