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you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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