So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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