I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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