we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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