Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
sex in a hospital.. check
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
