just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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