The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
