If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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