She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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