I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
