Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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