i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize