Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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