I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
