I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
