I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
