if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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