Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I am morally bankrupt
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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