If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
