I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
