I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
