I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize