You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
