i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
