dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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