Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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