If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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