I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dear god my vagina.
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